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To Be or To Do?
Who and what will you be in 2008?
Take a few moments to experience that question. Don’t think about it, feel it.
It’s traditional in the New Year to consider what you want to accomplish in the upcoming months, and then to make various resolutions about actually doing it all. Those resolutions usually involve things you know you should do — lose weight, exercise, eat healthy foods, meditate, spend more time with your family, and so on.
One of my clients likes to say that the best New Year’s resolution she ever made — and the only one she’s ever kept — was to never make another one. Sensible woman! New Year’s resolutions are shortcuts to frustration and discouragement, for a number of reasons — primarily because they’re almost always built around those “shoulds.”
So this year, emulate my client and resolve never to make another New Year’s resolution.
Then ask yourself who and what you want to be. Allow the question to percolate through all of you. Experience the question in your body and in your emotions rather than in your mind. And allow the answer to surface from deep inside instead of from your thoughts. In fact, leave your mind out of it altogether. Leave out that sense of obligation and your thoughts of “should.”
Resist all temptations to cheat! You may find yourself thinking, “I want to be someone who exercises regularly and eats healthy foods.” That’s cheating: it cycles right back into the “shoulds” and talks about actions — doing, not being. Your being requires no action; it simply is.
Don’t misunderstand: action naturally arises from being. But it’s a natural unfolding, not a to-do list.
Who and what are you? Who and what do you want to be?
Last year, one client chose to be someone who receives easily and gratefully. All her life, she’s been amazingly generous to others. Yet she struggled with receiving, whether financially from employers and clients or emotionally from family and friends.
There were no action steps for her to take in making this shift. Instead, she simply focused on her desire to be someone who receives as well as someone who gives. When she felt herself contracting or resisting in a situation where she could be opening to receive, she remembered who she wanted to be instead.
Initially it was a conscious remembering — and initially it wasn’t always comfortable! Old behavior patterns, old “shoulds,” and old core beliefs about receiving surfaced and resurfaced. Over and over and over again, she remembered her intention and who she wanted to be.
And her year became in ways that she never could have imagined, with deeper joys, more love, and wonderful surprises. Receiving has become a gladness for her instead of something uncomfortable and stressful.
In 2008, she’s chosen to be living in joyful abundance. I can hardly wait to see what happens!
In considering this question, if your inner voice feels like it’s being drowned out by a chorus of “shoulds,” here are a few ideas for ways to discover who and what you want to be in 2008.
Wishing
Is there a particular characteristic that you’ve wished you felt more comfortable or more familiar with? Like my client, you may wish that you could receive from others and from the world more easily. Or perhaps it’s a sense of peacefulness you crave — or the courage to be more of who you already are.
Observing
Listen to and observe yourself as you go through the day. Your reactions will point the way to opportunities to be more of who you really are. When do you resist and contract? What do you hear yourself saying and thinking in those moments?
Choosing
Do you have more than one idea in mind? If you’re torn between two that seem equally attractive, try combining them (“joyful abundance,” for instance, combines my client’s desire for abundance with her delight in her growing sense of joy).
Or you can literally flip a coin, which is a fun way to connect with your intuition. Select “heads” for one option, and “tails” for your other option. Flip the coin, and notice how you feel about the result. Whether your reaction is excitement or disappointment, it’s a clear pointer to the choice you really want.
The voices of obligation and “should” can be loud, persistent, and very sneaky. When you think you know what you want to be this year, take a moment to stop. Sit down for a minute and close your eyes. Feel what it would be like to be this. What does your body experience? Do you feel lightness, a sense of eagerness and joy — or is there heaviness, obligation, a feeling of pressure and resistance?
If you find yourself a little nervous or frightened, that’s ok. After all, you’re pushing yourself into new territory.
You’re becoming more of who you are.
“We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” Marianne Williamson, from A Return to Love.
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