Free Article
What Is Freedom?
Freedom.
Culturally, especially here in the United States, it’s a loaded word. After all, we’re the “land of the free” — and we take that seriously.
But what does “freedom” really mean? We may appreciate the luxuries that American freedom brings — democracy, freedom of speech, our ability to travel where we will and worship as we please, and so on. But on a personal, individual level — how often do you think about freedom and what it means to you?
Many years ago, as part of my own personal journey, I made a commitment to freedom more than anything else. Anything else. And as I continued to make that commitment over and over and over again, I began to realize that this meant freedom not only for me, but also for everyone in my life.
My friends, family, and many of my clients know that I’m deeply committed to my relationships. My parents are amazing people who are not only my parents, but also my friends — as are my brothers, with whom I spend time, just hanging out, whenever possible. My sons amaze me with the depth of their wisdom and insight — and they, too, are people I deeply enjoy being with. And of course Ellen, my wife, is my partner, best friend, and the enchanting companion of my life.
In the process of committing to freedom more than anything else, I saw how each and every one of these people, as well as all the friends I love and the acquaintances I meet, are more than able to be themselves without my help. In the ongoing process of stepping into my own freedom, I release my need for anyone — friends, family, acquaintances, or total strangers — to be anything other than exactly who they are.
Even as I realized this, there have still been plenty of times when I’ve contracted into fear, hurt, anger, or frustration. Yet every time I relax my hold and allow everything to be as it is, I find that my relationships deepen — and that when the other people involved are freed of my expectations, they too are able to respond more deeply and honestly as who they truly are.
To me, freedom is the process of letting go. It’s letting go of the stories that keep me in struggle and pain. It’s letting go of any thought that anyone should be someone or something other than exactly who and what they are. It’s simply — yet astonishingly — allowing everything to be absolutely ok as it is, without fighting to make it anything else.
This is an understanding that I reached over time, and my understanding continues to deepen. It’s a commitment that happens over and over and over again. And I watch with awe and gratitude as I see my clients reach their own places of deep personal freedom. It’s individual, and yet in the end, it’s also universal.
What does personal freedom mean to you? Here are some things to think about as you create your own understanding.
You know what’s true for you
That small, quiet voice is always there. It may be temporarily drowned out by busyness, by the “shoulds” that you impose on yourself, by your thoughts of what others will think and what you believe you owe them. But it’s always there.
What’s really true? And what might happen if you live from that, instead of from what you think others want or what you think you “should” do?
Let go of the chain
When you let go of the chain — whether it’s a chain of anger, frustration, or even the love that drives you to sacrifice what’s true for you — then you allow everyone else to let go also.
Compassion and love often lead us to try to protect others. When you hold back from an action you know is right for you because you don’t want to hurt someone else, are you really doing that person a favor?
When your actions are based on what you decide is best for someone else, you not only hurt yourself, but you deny the other person’s right to make his or her own decisions, to live his or her own life. Are you the best person to decide what’s right for someone else? Would you want someone else making those decisions for you?
Allow reality to be
Let go of the struggle to change what is. Allow everything to be ok, to be what it is, no more, no less, no different.
This isn’t apathy. The awareness that sees with clear eyes also naturally sees what action to take. From the expansive space of allowing everything to be as it is, your options become far wider than they can ever be when you’re contracted into a fight with reality.
It’s natural within you
We all have our conditioned patterns of behavior and belief — and those conditioned patterns are what keep us from freedom. When you notice the beliefs that limit you, the behaviors and thoughts that restrict who you are, then they start to drop away.
What does freedom mean to you?
What have these ideas sparked for you? What thoughts and feelings come up as you consider your own path to freedom? I’d love to know, so drop me an email (just reply to this newsletter) and let me know.
“You can’t separate peace from freedom, because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom.” Malcom X, 1925-1965, African-American Muslim minister, public speaker, and human-rights activist, from “Malcolm X Speaks”
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