What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
Free Article
Action Arises
So what does happen when you tear up your to-do lists, put down that immense burden of responsibility, let go of striving for the impossibility of perfection?
I’m asked that a lot, especially by clients who are convinced that the answer is nothing — that they’ll suddenly become couch potatoes, uninterested in doing anything, transformed into lazy, irresponsible slobs.
They’re convinced, as many people are, that everything falls apart without the imposition of discipline, careful tracking of projects and what needs to be done, dutiful attention to completing one task before starting another, and checking everything off the list (including, on one exhausted client’s weekend list, “sleep”!).
And they’re quick to remind me that there are, after all, appointments to keep, deadlines to meet, commitments to honor. How can they keep track of it all, or — more accurately — how can they keep themselves on track with it all, without discipline, lists, and time management?
Then they wonder why they feel exhausted and panicky.
Years ago when I was teaching high school English to gifted students, I told the kids what I tell my clients now: at your most irresponsible, you’re still more responsible than 99% of the rest of the world. So relax, let go of those lists, and see what happens. Explore spontaneity, give yourself space, and allow yourself curiosity about what will happen next.
Here are a few ways to open yourself to what I call “spontaneous planning.”
Become list-free
With the possible exception of shopping lists (it’s pretty annoying to forget that you need toilet paper), stop making any lists at all, especially to-do lists. Trust that you’ll know what you need to do when you need to do it. Trust, too, the action that arises: if you find yourself fixing up your bicycle instead of cleaning the garage, go with it.
As you explore your new list-less state, notice what’s getting done, and notice how you feel. Don’t be surprised if there’s a combination of enjoyment and anxiety. You’re letting go of very deep habits, which is always both exciting and nerve-wracking.
Be a minimalist
When perfection is your goal, over-preparation is your standard mode of operation. Unfortunately, over-preparation tends to squeeze the life out of whatever you’re doing — and out of you, as you exhaust yourself with details and hard work.
My clients cringe when I ask, “What’s the absolute minimum you could do?” Doing the absolute minimum isn’t within their realm of possibility (at least, not at first!). However, the question opens the door to doing less. Recently a client discovered that her end result had more life, more flexibility, and (she grudgingly admits) was simply better when — due to an unexpected schedule crunch — she spent less time on preparation than she’d planned.
Plan spontaneously
It’s true: some things do need some planning. But not as many as you think — and the ones that do, need less than you might expect.
Vacations are a classic example. A spontanously-planned road trip can be as simple as packing up the car and taking off to see where you end up. Even a vacation with flights and hotels to book can be spontaneous if you leave space for whim, opportunity, and surprises.
Follow the unexpected
Start by not knowing and being curious. This creates a non-judgmental, wide-open space for action to arise — and action will arise naturally when it has space. Then notice the unexpected that crosses your path, and follow it.
Notice, too, what unexpected actions arise during your day. When you don’t know what you’re going to do next, you find yourself doing exactly what most wants (or even needs) to be done in the moment. At times you’ll be more productive than you can imagine, simply because you’re doing what presents itself naturally instead of forcing yourself through a checklist.
Allow the unfinished
You don’t have to finish everything you start.
That’s an especially difficult one for most of my clients. However, if your natural flow moves from one task to another to another without finishing each of them first, go with that flow and see what happens (be curious!). Although at first it may feel as if you’re getting nothing done, when you allow the flow of action to move as it wants, you’ll suddenly discover that much more got done than you expected.
Give yourself a break
I’ve written mostly about doing and accomplishing, because those are the concerns most people have: that suddenly nothing will get done.I’ve written mostly about doing and accomplishing, because those are the concerns most people have: that suddenly nothing will get done.
But I want to emphasize that the action that arises may be simply the action of taking a break: being with stillness, noticing silence, meditating, taking a nap, reading a book, taking a walk. Honoring these less-active impulses brings rest, peace, and the energy that’s often missing from life in these over-busy, over-scheduled times.
Take it slowly
This doesn’t have to be forever, nor do you have to drop all planning, effort, and lists all at once.
Try one or two of these suggestions for a week or two, or even a month. Let go of your weekend to-do list before you tear up the work list.
And if after a few weeks it’s not working, make adjustments. One client finds that a master list of major projects she wants to do for work and home helps her let go of having to remember everything. She somewhat sheepishly acknowledges that she seldom refers to it!
“Just for a moment, take your hands off the steering wheel.” Adyashanti, American spiritual teacher, author, and mystic, from My Secret is Silence.
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