What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
Free Article
The Power of Commitment
Resistance.
It’s futile, or so the saying goes.
Yet everyone indulges in it, over and over again, time after time.
In resisting, you turn away from yourself — you turn away from your truth. That’s what resistance is, in the end: turning away from what’s true, denying reality, and attempting to maintain control at any cost. It’s usually a very painful cost.
Given all that, you’d think that people would be extraordinarily motivated to stop resisting. But there’s a sneaky sort of apparent payback.
Maybe you’re caught in a belief that the only way to be professional and keep your job is to do everything your boss throws at you — even if this means you’re working 60- to 80-hour weeks.
Perhaps you believe that your spouse only pays attention to you when you’re in a crisis and need help.
You might be recycling old wounds and pain in a belief that this is what it takes to heal.
Or you could be convinced that struggling to be what you think others expect from you is the only way to succeed.
Whatever your situation is, you’re resisting the reality of what’s true and of what you really are.
It’s painful. Deeply painful.
And yet, there’s that apparent payback. After all, your mind points out, you do still have a job, and you do still enjoy at least some of what you do.
You do get the care, love, and attention you crave from your spouse.
You do get compassion and support from your friends.
And though you may not be succeeding in the ways you hoped and expected, at least you’re not failing.
The only problem is, underneath all your resistance and your thoughts and beliefs about why you’re resisting, there’s a quiet voice whispering the truth: all of this is an agonizing lie, with a dreadfully high cost.
And as my clients discover, when you stop resisting and find the stable ground of your own truth, you come to a clear, calm recognition of how much is enough — and how to have that “enough” conversation with yourself and with your boss.
You stop needing attention, and instead become joyfully able to ask for and receive the love that you want.
Instead of being someone in the process of healing, you become healed — and your friendships become celebrations of who you really are.
And your success is founded upon the bedrock of the real you and what you truly offer, instead of the shifting sand of your beliefs about what others appear to want from you.
So what does it take to stop resisting, to put down the weight of it, to let go?
It’s a simple question with a simple answer, though — like many simple things — it may not be easy, and it definitely takes courage.
Commitment.
A deep, relentless, honest commitment. A commitment to something bigger than you, something beyond your day-to-day existence. A commitment to the truth of what you are, a commitment to resting in the freedom of what Anthony de Mello referred to as “wholehearted cooperation with the inevitable.”
Make the commitment. Over and over and over again.
One client finally let go of her resistance to what was calling to her, and was astonished at the release she experienced. A grinding, endless exhaustion shifted into ... “Hey! I’m not tired any more!” And suddenly she was in flow, allowing action to arise and unfold, no longer struggling to plan and “make” things happen.
She had thought she understood “resistance is futile.” And in her commitment to truth, over and over and over again, she had been gradually letting go. The last step was allowing herself to turn and look at and accept what was true for her — and to look at and see her resistance to it.
Welcoming and stepping into that understanding of what was true and what was resisting brought deep emotion, a great relaxation, and the natural ease of action arising into results.
Where are you still holding on to resistance? Where is it holding you down and exhausting you? What would it mean if you let go? Try these ideas for looking more closely at the ways in which you resist — and what it is that you're resisting.
Listen deeply
My client had heard the voice of what was true for her, but she’d discounted it. It wasn’t as loud as the other voices — voices of obligation, of advice from people she respected, and of the rules she’d learned from experts.
When she stopped and listened to her own truth, the world opened up.
Trust your experience
There’s a time and place to learn from experts. There’s a time and place to consult your friends and ask for advice.
But in the end, your experience is all that matters. What’s true for you? What is it that’s calling? What is it that feels right for you?
Listen — and respond — to the truth of your own experience and inner wisdom.
Experiment
What would it feel like to go with your instinct, your deepest inclination?
This isn’t about the surface impulses of ice-cream eating, playing hooky, or avoiding tough decisions. All that has its place, of course — a little ice cream and relaxation are often exactly what you need.
But what would it be like to listen to that still, small voice of what’s true for you, and to trust the reality — and vulnerability — of your own experience? Can you experiment, even if only in your imagination, with how it would feel and who you would be?
Take the leap
Putting down the weight of resistance, listening deeply to what you know to be true for you, trusting your own experience over the voices of experts and friends — it’s a leap of faith, of vulnerability, and of courage.
Take the leap. It’s a leap into freedom.
“If you deny yourself commitment, what can you do with your life?” Harvey Fierstein, American actor and playwright, 1952-
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