What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
Free Article
Curiosity and You
I’ve never understood why curiosity has such a bad reputation. From the popular saying “curiosity killed the cat” to Rudyard Kipling’s story of the Elephant’s Child — who was repeatedly beaten by everyone from family to complete strangers for his insatiable curiosity — stories, sayings, and myths suggest that curiosity is dangerous and unwise.
The fact is that curiosity is one of the most delightfully powerful ways to explore what’s true for you. It creates a sense of playfulness and fun that can release you from feeling stuck, fearful, or discouraged. And it’s a key factor in freeing yourself from old thought patterns and ingrained beliefs about how life works.
It’s virtually impossible to feel caught up in fear, anger, frustration, or sadness when you engage your curiosity. Of course, there may be a sense of any of those emotions, but when you’re also truly curious, they’re unlikely to immobilize you.
Inspiration arises from curiosity, and when my clients get locked into problem-solving and analysis, their inspiration and creativity vanish. When they open to their curiosity instead of attempting to impose discipline, then the creativity springs forth — and they’re often startled by how easy it is to do what had seemed to be a struggle.
And if that weren’t enough, it’s also a perspective that you can choose to engage with and experience.
So how does it work? Here are some suggestions.
First — stop
Whatever your situation may be — whether it’s a decision you’re trying to reach, a feeling or thought pattern you feel stuck in, or a sense of fear, anxiety, overwhelm, or any other emotion that’s arising for you — your first step is to simply stop.
This is often easier said than done, because anxiety of any sort usually creates a sense of pressure and a desire to take action. Try physically moving to a different location, perhaps someplace outside or where you can see outside. Take just a moment or two to notice and appreciate the natural beauty — even if you’re limited to observing the sky above an urban concrete jungle.
Allow “I don’t know”
Strong feelings of fear, anxiety, overwhelm, and frustration are often based in a sense of needing to know or understand something. There might be a decision you’re trying to make, or you may be attempting to plan what’s next for you. Perhaps, as one client recently experienced, you feel overwhelmed by trying to complete what appears to be an impossible to-do list.
From a very early age, we’re taught to know, and we’re punished for not knowing. Knowing what to do is important for your success in school and on the job. Thus, when you find yourself in a situation where you don’t know, it’s natural for anxiety and fear to arise.
However, when you can really let yourself be with and deeply accept, “I don’t know,” there’s a great freedom to be found. It’s not nearly as terrifying as your mind believes. And it’s the doorway into engaging your curiosity.
Become deeply curious
From this place of “I don’t know,” you can step into, engage with, dance with your curiosity.
What would happen if you simply open to whatever comes next? What would happen if you were wide-eyed and eager to watch it unfold, like watching a scene unfold in a movie or on stage?
What can you try that’s totally different from anything you’ve tried before? How might things be different when you let go of your expectations about how you think something is or will be, and get intensely curious about how it actually is?
My client started by allowing herself to feel her overwhelm — instead of pushing through it, she stopped. She allowed herself to not know how she was going to get it all done, on time and to her standards.
Then she got curious. Was her to-do list really that big? Did everything on that list really have the deadlines she’d assigned — and did everything on it truly need to be done at all?
It’s not problem-solving
This isn’t about trying to figure anything out. Your mind may try to go into logical problem-solving mode, but that’s likely to just increase your feelings of anxiety and frustration.
As I said above, your mind wants to understand things, to know what to do. It likes to believe that it can predict the future, and it will do what it can to figure out all the answers.
In short, it wants to believe that it’s in control.
But in the end, you don’t know — no one knows — what’s going to happen next. And while planning has its place, that place is much smaller than you might think.
When you’re exploring the beliefs and thought patterns that give rise to struggle and painful feelings, there isn’t anything to figure out. Trying to understand “why” doesn’t help you make shifts.
Instead, when you engage your curiosity, you allow yourself to drop the attempt to problem-solve. Then you can open to bigger perspectives, without the limitations of expectation and preconceived ideas of how things “should” be.
And as you step into those new perspectives, wide-eyed and curious, you’ll find that — even under the anxiety or fear or whatever else you’re feeling — there’s a glimmer of fun and playfulness, and a wonderful sense of real freedom.
That’s what my overwhelmed client discovered. From a place of curiosity, she was able to see that it was her thoughts about what she had to do that created her stress. As she let go of trying to figure out how it was all going to happen, she was able to relax into a natural flow. No deadlines were missed — and she had a lot more fun!
“Never lose a holy curiosity.” Albert Einstein, 1879-1955, German-born theoretical physicist and winner of the 1921 Nobel Prize in physics.
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