What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
Free Article
Fear is the Doorway
When my clients tell me they’re experiencing fear, I’m always a little excited as well as compassionate. It means they’re getting close to something significant.
Fear is a pointer, an opportunity, and a doorway.
It’s a pointer to what wants attention. But because fear is uncomfortable, many people turn away instead of turning towards the fear to see what’s there.
It’s an opportunity to look deeper. When you turn towards and experience your fear, you’ll most likely find that it’s less threatening than you might expect — and you’ll discover places within yourself that otherwise you’d never have seen.
And it’s a doorway. When you experience and then move through your fear to the other side, you move into a deeper awareness of what’s true for you, a greater spaciousness and freedom. You open to deeper insights about yourself, about who you are, about the beliefs and thoughts — and fears — that keep you boxed in and struggling.
This isn’t the same as “feel the fear and do it anyway.” That’s brute force and internal violence.
Instead, bring compassion to your fear as you gently turn towards it. How? Here are a few suggestions.
Allow
Allow your fear to simply be.
Don’t make it bigger than it is — and don’t make it less than it is. Don’t deny that it’s there, and don’t dive into it so that it overwhelms you. Don’t try to transcend it, and don’t indulge or wallow in it.
Just allow it to be exactly what it is.
Turn towards it
One of my clients experiences her fear as a darkness inside her — a darkness that’s hiding something. The more clearly she’s come to see it as this darkness, the less overwhelming it feels for her. And as she turns towards it, she finds that in the light of her attention it often dwindles, dissipates, and gradually releases its hold on her.
This may be very quick, or it may take a few days. Sometimes it comes with waves of physical sensation — her physical experience of fear. Sometimes it’s followed by a feeling of sadness. But ultimately it passes, and she’s left with a powerful sense of freedom and a deeper, often joyful understanding of who and what she really is.
Wherever your fear resides in you, and however it appears or feels to you, envision yourself turning towards it, gently and with compassion.
Be curious
Don’t analyze your fear. There’s no need to understand it. You may or may not have a sense of what it’s arising from. Either way, that’s ok.
But be curious about it. If fear is the doorway, curiosity is the key that unlocks the door. My client’s understanding that her fear is hiding something allows her to explore what’s happening with a powerful sense of curiosity and a deep commitment to knowing what’s true.
Allow your curiosity to engage with your fear, and see what unfolds for you — and what’s on the other side.
Experience it
It’s fear. It doesn’t feel good, yet it’s only an experience. It doesn’t define you. It doesn’t make you a coward. And it won’t last forever.
Even if you don’t think you “should” feel fear about whatever it is that’s occurring, it’s still just fear. There’s nothing inherently bad or good about feeling or expressing it.
And when you can be with it, without struggling to change it, understand it, or transcend it, you’ll see that it’s simply an experience which, like all experiences, has a beginning, a middle, and an end.
Be willing to be surprised
This way of experiencing fear is likely to be quite different from anything you’d expect. When you’re dealing with fear, it’s natural to anticipate drama. Along with feeling your heart pounding, a fluttering in your stomach, an uprush of anger, or even tears, you’ll probably experience a flurry of thoughts and stories about what the fear “means.”
But when you turn towards yourself and allow your fear to be as it is, with curiosity and compassion and a real commitment to going through to the other side, it’s often a more gentle, subtle experience.
Whichever way it goes — dramatic or subtle — my clients come to see that being with their fear, as difficult as it sometimes is, opens them to freedom and a deep sense of joy.
And it makes them available to the truest expression of their careers, their relationships, and their lives.
“There can be no courage unless you’re scared.” Eddie Rickenbacker, 1890-1973, American WWI fighter ace, Medal of Honor recipient, race car driver, automotive designer, government consultant, and longtime CEO of American Airlines.
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