What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
Free Article
What’s the Rush?
What would it be like to slow down?
When I ask my clients that question, I get a wide range of answers. Sometimes the reaction is almost panicky: “I couldn’t possibly, there’s way too much to do!” Other times it’s wistful: “That sounds nice. I wish I could.”
Whether my client feels panicky or wistful or somewhere in between, there’s almost always resistance. Many people seem driven by an overwhelming sense of urgency, especially in this difficult economy. Such powerful urgency doesn’t leave room for being with a project or a process and allowing it to unfold naturally. Instead, you’re more likely to feel as if you’ve got to keep doing more and more, faster and faster.
However, as my clients discover in our work together, that feeling of urgency is usually both untrue and unnecessary.
You might think, as they often do early in our work, that without some sort of deadline or some way of being held accountable you’ll procrastinate and nothing will ever get done. But when you allow projects to move at their natural pace, with each action arising organically in turn, you’ll find yourself less dependent on adrenaline to fuel progress — and you’ll have more focus. When you’re in flow, you won’t feel an impulse to procrastinate, and your productivity will naturally increase.
One of my clients often tried to force herself to be creative, virtually chaining herself to her desk until the task at hand was complete. The frustration she felt was enormous, and her projects often took much longer than necessary.
She knows now that if a particular task hasn’t ripened yet (as she puts it), there’s always something else she can work on. She still gets caught sometimes by feelings of stress and urgency, especially when she’s working on something especially important to her. But even then she’s much better at slowing down and asking herself what she really feels — what’s really true for her in this situation.
Here are some of the approaches I suggest to her and to my other clients. Try them out for yourself and see if you too can slow down.
Feel what you feel
The urgency and anxiety may seem to be overwhelming.
I had a call last week from a client who was caught in a frantic feeling that she needed to make progress on a big, important project. But she couldn’t get traction on any of the tasks involved. She was immobilized between vulnerability and uncertainty on the one hand, and excitement and commitment on the other.
I encouraged her to allow herself to feel what she was feeling — to let it come through her, even though it felt as if it could sweep her away. She experienced a profound sense of relief and release as the constriction eased and she let herself express her feelings of vulnerability and fear.
Allow yourself to feel what you feel. It’s your resistance to it that makes it seem so harsh and keeps winding the knots tighter. If you feel as if it might overwhelm you, find support from a friend who can be with you, in person or on the phone, as I was for my client.
Question the urgency
What’s really happening?
Is it truly a this minute, right now need? Situations like that are rare, usually involve fires, accidents, and life-threatening circumstances, and calling 911 is typically the most appropriate response!
Urgency is rooted in fear — your fear about what might happen. This creates a sense of impending doom that fuels your “do it NOW” feeling. When you identify and question the fear, you’ll find relief and relaxation, just as my client did.
Slow down and look at what’s behind the urgency. Although the underlying fear may have some basis in reality, it’s probably not as big or immediate as it appears. And slowing down to allow the solution to fully reveal itself creates a far more satisfactory and rewarding result.
Take a break
Taking a break may sound like the wrong thing to do when you’re struggling to get something done. Nonetheless, walking away from it, even for just a few moments, gives you space and time to pause, regroup, and come back with renewed energy and creativity.
Take a walk, even if only for five minutes. Stand outside and breathe deeply. Feel the sun (or rain) on your face. Stretch tall, touch your toes. Drink a glass of water.
Just the act of moving physically will often help you break through a block and rediscover your sense of flow.
As I said, urgency is rooted in fear. Most people have a natural reluctance to look at and experience their fear, and that reluctance tends to fuel the sense of urgency to even greater intensity.
Slow down, just for a moment, to feel what you’re feeling and see through the fear. Allow your projects to unfold naturally. You’ll have more energy, more fun, and far better results!
“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast — you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.” Eddie Cantor, 1892-1964, American comedian, dancer, singer, actor, and songwriter. Also known as the “Apostle of Pep” and “Banjo Eyes.”
If you liked this article, you can
sign up to receive my regular newsletter!