What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
Free Article
Just Don’t Listen
Everyone has their own personal peanut gallery. You know what I mean: that internal chorus endlessly criticizing what you’re doing and how you’re doing it.
Sometimes it shows up as what I call the commandant — strict and slave-driving, always demanding that you do more and more and more.
Maybe for you it’s the perfectionist, nitpicking at all that you do, insisting that everything be dust-free with all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed.
We all have our own personal peanut gallery. And everyone has a primary voice, whether it’s the commandant or something else, plus a chorus of secondary voices telling us just how difficult, wrong, or scary things are.
These are the voices that keep you feeling bad about yourself, that make you doubt your abilities, and that hold you back from stretching and reaching for what you really want.
A few weeks ago, I was talking with a client who’s been developing her business for some time now. She’s got the foundation firmly in place. She’s studied marketing, she’s done her networking, and she happens to be very good at what she does. And yet, she said, “I’ve done all that hard work, but I’m not seeing the results I want.”
Her peanut gallery has been telling her she’s not good enough to really put herself out there, with all the confidence and power that her work — and her clients — deserve. When I told her that, she started to say, “But...”
I stopped her, and said: Just don’t listen to them.
You don’t have to listen to your peanut gallery.
You can’t make it go away. But you don’t have to listen. And the more you practice not listening, the quieter it will get.
Most people listen to their thoughts out of habit. In fact, like many of my clients, you may find it a tad weird to think about not listening. Here are some ways to practice.
Notice what you’re experiencing
When your peanut gallery is in full swing, it doesn’t feel good. You may feel unhappy, upset, frustrated, angry — a whole host of what we generally call “negative” emotions.
Allow yourself to feel these feelings — and then notice that what you’re experiencing is the result of your thoughts. All those peanut-gallery thoughts about how you’re not doing enough, not good enough, not expert enough — whatever it might be — it’s those thoughts that you’re experiencing, not what’s actually happening in the world outside of your mind.
Make your choice
I’ve written many times about the gentle art of inquiry — of questioning the validity of your thoughts and beliefs, of exploring whether they’re true or not.
And sometimes that’s the right choice. Sometimes, when you’re dealing with a persistent and deeply-rooted belief structure, it’s important to look at it and ask yourself if it’s really true.
But often it’s simpler and more practical to choose not listen to what your thoughts are trying to tell you.
Who would you be — and what would you find yourself doing — if you chose not to listen to your peanut gallery?
Allow yourself to be moved
Like my client, you may be feeling immobilized by the fear and anxiety that those critical voices create in you.
Expecting yourself to be able to take action through willpower is not realistic. “Feel the fear and do it anyway” is a brute force approach. I don’t recommend it. It doesn’t work.
Instead, allow yourself to be moved into action.
Your peanut gallery only goes into full-chorus mode when what you’re reaching for is something important to you — something that’s coming from the deepest part of you. Allow that inspiration to move you instead of trying to force yourself into motion.
You may find it useful to literally stand up, feet about hip-width apart, and close your eyes. Feel yourself balance, feel the solidity of the ground beneath your feet.
And feel the inspiration that lies beneath whatever it is you want to do. Let that inspiration fill you, come through you, and allow it to cause you to take a step forward.
Then allow that impulse to follow through into the next action towards what you want.
In the days after my conversation with my client, she reached out to six people whom she’d been avoiding connecting with. The results aren’t in yet, but she’s gotten positive initial responses from at least half of them.
Stop listening to your peanut gallery — and allow inspiration to move you. You may be surprised by what happens!
“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs, 1955-, American businessman, co-founder and CEO of Apple Inc.
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