What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
Stay In Your Heart
February 9, 2010
There’s an old saying that when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Your mind is an amazing problem-solver.
That usually means your mind considers every aspect of life to be a problem it’s supposed to solve.
When you’re evaluating which computer to buy or figuring out the fastest way to get to work, that approach is useful and effective.
But when you’re facing emotional situations or struggles, your mind’s attempt to find a logical solution just creates a host of thoughts — thoughts that tend to intensify the pain you’re feeling.
When your problem-solving mind collides with your feelings, an unwinnable argument ensues. Every attempt of the mind to be logical — all those thoughts about why you “shouldn’t” be feeling the way you do — add frustration, guilt, and shame to the mix, without actually solving a thing.
When you allow yourself to feel what you feel, you naturally turn back towards yourself, no longer denying what’s happening or trying to talk yourself out of it. You can then find the space to watch the thoughts that lie beneath your feelings, noticing the ways they “hook” your emotions.
That’s why I ask my clients to feel their feelings and observe their thoughts.
But for many of them, this process gets hijacked by the mind, turning it into yet another problem-solving exercise.
Trying to tell your mind not to think or problem-solve is futile, as you’ve probably noticed.
Instead, stay in your heart.
Your heart doesn’t judge or criticize, and — perhaps most importantly — it never problem-solves. Instead, it has a compassionate wisdom of its own, wordless yet powerful. It gently invites you to be with your feelings instead of fighting them. At the same time, it provides an objectivity from which you can watch your thoughts without getting sucked back into them.
Here are some ways to move from your mind into your heart — and stay there.
Shift your physical awareness
When one client remembers to stay in her heart, she says, “I feel an actual shift in my awareness of my body. There’s a sense of physical relief from the tension in my head — and there’s a warmth and expansiveness in my chest.”
Sit quietly for a moment, simply and gently asking yourself to be in your heart — to stay in your heart. Place your hand on your chest, if that’s helpful.
Your mind may try to tell you it doesn’t know how to be in your heart. Just allow those thoughts to be as they are, without following them, and come back into your heart.
Follow the silence
Especially when you’re in problem-solving mode, you’ll hear a lot of chatter in your thoughts.
Your heart is much quieter than your mind.
Sit quietly for a moment. Notice where there’s silence and stillness. Listen to the silence — and let it lead you into your heart.
Open your heart
Sometimes it’s enough to close your eyes for a second or two and imagine your heart opening like a flower in the sunshine.
For my clients, this simple step sometimes brings up powerful emotions. Just let them flow, and experience the softening in yourself that follows.
It’s a subtle shift
If you find yourself thinking that this is difficult or that you don’t know how to do it, that’s your mind getting involved and trying to figure things out again.
The movement into your heart is a gentle, subtle shift that’s powerful in its ability to change your perspective. It’s not something your mind will ever understand — but who and what you really are already knows the way.
As one client said, “This is a much nicer place to be. Even in the midst of sadness and turmoil, even when things are happening that I’d prefer to be otherwise, when I’m in my heart I stop reacting. I can be in the flow without struggling so much. It’s a lot less exhausting!”
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart.” Helen Keller, 1880-1968, American author, political activist, and lecturer.
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