What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
It’s Really Very Simple
April 20, 2010
The mind loves to create complexity.
It seeks out problems and then works on solving them.
It likes to figure things out.
And that’s perfectly ok. Thinking and problem-solving are the mind’s jobs.
But when thinking and problem-solving become your whole experience of life, it’s not much fun.
When everything is a problem that needs solving, when everything requires effort and hard work to “make it happen,” you can end up exhausted, frustrated, and unhappy.
If, on the other hand, you allow yourself to relax into this moment, attending to what’s right here, right now, right in front of you, you may be surprised at how simple things really are.
Here are a few ideas to help you find more ease of being and joy in your life.
Allow not knowing
What if you allowed yourself to not know how everything was going to unfold? What would it be like to embark on a journey of discovery, moment by moment, instead of trying to figure it all out and make it happen?
When I suggest this to my clients, some initially find it frightening. Then they gradually realize that when they let go of knowing, they’re far more effective, productive, and creative.
As one client put it, “When I stop worrying about the next ten things I have to do, I’m free. Free to put all that focus and energy on what I am doing, right here, right now. It’s funny — I always thought I knew what it meant to ‘be in the moment,’ but now I realize that I didn’t have the slightest idea!”
“Background thinking”
Everyone has had the experience of an apparently intractable problem — one that you struggle with for days, with no answer in sight.
Then you give up on it ... and lo and behold, within the next day or so a solution presents itself like a flower in perfect bloom.
Your mind works effectively and efficiently when it’s left alone to do its job. You don’t have to pay attention to it.
One of my clients was going on a trip. She told me, “I went to bed the night before, and my mind immediately started spinning. Did I remember to pack everything? Would I wake up on time? I finally said to it, ‘Look, you can think all you want, but I’m not listening any more! Just let me know if there’s anything I need to attend to.’ It was like running a computer program in the background. I could feel it back there working through its lists, but I couldn’t hear it any more. It was delightfully quiet.” She laughed. “And sure enough, I’d forgotten something. It just popped into my awareness ... no effort required!”
Then she added, “And I think that was the first time I’ve ever gotten a peaceful night’s sleep before going away. I just wasn’t worried about anything going wrong.”
Notice the arguments
If you’re like most people, the idea of not worrying about anything going wrong brings up a lot of “Yes, but!” thoughts.
Your mind is built to think and problem-solve, so of course it’s going to be disturbed by the idea of not worrying. You could say it’s a question of job security.
But do you know for certain that letting go of worry will cause the disasters that your mind is suggesting? Do you know for certain that letting go of trying to “make it happen” means nothing will happen?
What if you were to find out?
Don’t try
Your mind will probably tell you that allowing things to be simple is an effort that you have to work at — something you have to try hard to do.
It’s not.
The more you allow yourself to be aware of your struggle, the more you notice the exhaustion resulting from all the effort you exert. And the more intriguing and appealing it will be to just allow everything to be simple.
It really is that simple
A couple of weeks ago, a client said to me, “You know, my entire life has been like being stuck on the railroad tracks with a train bearing down on me. It’s been a constant struggle, a constant effort to figure out how to get free, how to stop the train from running over me.’
She paused. “It’s not hard. All I have to do is get up and walk off the tracks!”
“Yes,” I agreed. “It really is that simple.”
“I have a simple philosophy. Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.” Alice Roosevelt Longworth, 1884-1980, oldest child of Theodore Roosevelt
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