What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
Change Is OK
May 4, 2010
There’s something about the human psyche that seems to resist change.
Even when change is in the air — even when what’s truest and most real in you says, it’s time for change — it seems to be human nature to resist.
My business partner has spent the last twelve years playing and working at the Renaissance Faire each spring. She’s looked forward to Faire season every year, welcoming the chance to re-acquaint herself with friends, loving the sense of community and play, and delighting in the opportunity to experience how she’s changed during the year.
So it’s been a shock to her to realize ... she’s done with Faire.
A shock, a struggle to let it all be, and at the same time — a deep sense of freedom.
There’s sadness there. Change creates both birth and death, and death requires grieving.
And that’s ok. Change is not only inevitable, it’s also ok. In the end, even as she hangs on to the ideas of what Faire has been for her, she’s also turning towards the freedom of allowing change to happen.
Seasons change, life changes, and humans resist.
What changes are you resisting? What would make it easier for you to let go, let be, let change happen? Here are some perspectives that may help you allow change to be ok.
Whose rule is it?
When you experience an apparent conflict between what you’re doing and feeling right now and what seems to be unfolding, it’s often because there’s a rule or a “should” involved.
Sometimes the “should” is subtle. My business partner wanted to finish out this Faire season with a perfect attendance record, all seven weekends, even though she was exhausted. When she could see that “perfect attendance” was just a thought, without any real value, she was able to take a weekend off — and enjoy it!
Old pattern — or new?
Change often appears fearful not because of what’s coming, but because of beliefs about how old patterns will inevitably replay themselves.
One client is caught between her yearning for a real relationship and her deep fear that she’ll slide back into old, painful behavior patterns of acquiescing, changing herself to be someone she’s not.
When fears like these arise — just let them arise. If you try to change them or turn away from them, they’ll only undermine you, and they may even become self-fulfilling prophecies.
On the other hand, as my client is gradually discovering, when you bring your fears into the clear light of day and see them, then you can open to a deeper understanding of the ways in which they no longer apply. In experiencing her fear, without judgment and with compassion for what’s happened in the past, she’s opening to a powerful realization that those behavior patterns are simply no longer possible for her.
Allow not knowing
The old saying “better the devil we know than the devil we don’t” is a telling description of the desire to know.
People often keep themselves locked into difficult, painful experiences because they’re unwilling to let go into not knowing what will happen.
Sometimes this shows up as a feeling that you’ll miss out. That’s one of the things my business partner is experiencing. What beautiful things will the artists at Faire, who are also her friends, be creating that she won’t see? What fun will they all be having without her?
Other times, you may cling to destructive situations because you believe you have no choice. But what that usually means is that you don’t know what will happen if you make a different choice or take a new action. It’s easy to see in other people. How many times have you watched a friend or a relative stay stuck in a bad relationship or a frustrating job? It’s often a lot harder to find the willingness to not know in yourself, and to take that step away from the devil you know into the unknown.
Sadness isn’t wrong
When you experience sadness or fear about a change, you may find yourself thinking that you’re making a mistake.
But as the experiences I’ve described here illustrate, sadness and fear — and other emotions such as anger or frustration — are simply what can arise when change is in motion. It’s natural for my business partner to feel sadness at letting go of something that’s been such a significant part of her life. And it’s natural for my client to fear that she might turn away from the wholeness and power that she’s realized in herself.
For both of them, experiencing what they’re feeling has been the key to realizing their readiness to take the next step, to move with the flow of change in their lives. And with that comes joy, freedom, and anticipation.
“All things must change to something new, to something strange.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1807-1882, American educator and poet
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