What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
What Does Life Want?
May 18, 2010
Growing up, we hear endless messages focusing on hard work and effort.
“Make it happen!” becomes the battle cry for many people. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” is a phrase parents use to encourage their kids in everything from learning to ride a bike to getting good grades. At work, salespeople are urged to “make their numbers,” and in the gym Nike instructs us to “just do it.”
This places tremendous emphasis on controlling outcomes. It teaches us that we’re supposed to be able to control how and even whether something happens. And it teaches us to feel like a failure when the inevitable happens and we can’t control the way events unfold.
And in struggling to control, we become insensitive to the subtle currents of life.
How does life want to move?
What does life want in this moment?
The surfer, kayaker, or white-water rafter doesn’t battle the way the water flows, but instead moves with it — or ends up wet and even injured.
The sailor, airplane pilot, or skydiver knows to use her instruments and senses to move with the air instead of against it.
Just because you can’t see the eddies and currents of life the way you can see the water flowing, and just because there are no instruments to tell you what direction life is blowing, doesn’t mean you can’t discern it.
Because you do have the senses and intelligence you need. They’re probably not senses you’re accustomed to using or the sort of intellectual intelligence you’ve been taught to rely on, but they’re there nonetheless.
Here are a few hints on how to access those senses and begin to tune in to the ways life moves for you.
Start small and just ask!
It can be as simple as asking ... what does life want right now?
For instance, what does life want for lunch?
Your taste buds may be clamouring for a slice of pizza, but if you stop for a minute to ask what’s more deeply true, you never know what you might discover.
One client who’d been trying to eat better and lose weight finally gave up struggling with it.
Instead, she was surprised to notice that by simply asking “What does life want?” as she was preparing and eating her meals, she naturally and without effort achieved exactly what she’d been struggling with for so long.
And as she said, “This is a lot more fun than being on a diet!”
Be ready to be surprised
Sometimes, that slice of pizza is exactly right — even for my healthy-eating, weight-losing client.
Life isn’t a harsh taskmaster or the Health Police. It simply responds with absolute integrity to what’s present in each moment.
Trust the still, small voice
Conflict only arises within your thoughts. It’s your thoughts that present you with “shoulds” and rules. Life just suggests, without justifying itself.
A client who’s been working long hours told me that she knew it was time to take a break. But her sense of responsibility was holding her nose to the grindstone. After all, there were deadlines to meet and projects to complete. Her mind was presenting her with endless lists of reasons not to take time off.
She chose not to be trapped by those arguments. Instead, she listened to that still, small voice, and gave herself a day away from her desk.
“I came back with inspiration!” she wrote to me the next day. “It was the most productive day I’ve had in weeks — maybe months. I have so much understanding, so many ideas about these projects I’m working on — it’s fantastic! And it was FUN, instead of being hard work!”
It’s a tuning-in process
Every surfer wipes out. Every sailor misjudges the wind and capsizes.
Sometimes what life wants won’t be what you expect.
Sometimes it may not be what you think you want.
And sometimes your thoughts will — temporarily, at least — drown out life’s calling.
Allow it all to happen. It’s part of the process of tuning in the signal, finding the delicate focus, just as you would with a telescope or camera lens.
And as you gently keep attending to what life wants, your ability to discern will grow stronger and clearer.
“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.” Brendan Gill, 1914-1997, American writer, film critic, and champion of architectural preservation.
If you liked this article, you can
sign up to receive my regular newsletter.