What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
How Wide is a Thought?
June 15, 2010
The line between “I have so many fun things to do!” and “I’m totally overwhelmed by it all” is only the width of a thought.
That’s how one client describes her realization of the way thought creates experience.
In our session she said, “This morning, I discovered myself moving back and forth across that line of thought. One moment, I was excited, happy, thinking about all the ideas I have for my garden. The next moment, a thought crept in — when will I ever have the time? — and I could feel my excitement deflate like a leaky balloon. Fortunately,” she went on, “I realized that the thought about not enough time was completely irrelevant. I didn’t have to listen to it. I can enjoy the ideas and excitement about what my garden might be right now — and I can wait to see which ideas pull me into action.”
Another session began with a client saying, “This weekend was really frustrating. I just couldn’t get anything done.”
“Is that true?” I asked her. “You didn’t get anything done?”
“Yes! Even things I wanted to do, it was like wading through quicksand to get any of it to happen.”
There was a long pause.
“Actually,” she said slowly, “the things I truly wanted to do happened anyway. Even when I thought I was struggling — I wasn’t really, was I? It was just a thought — a thought about struggle. And that thought created my experience of struggle.”
Yes.
In any moment, you may be experiencing what’s really happening — but it’s more likely you’re experiencing your thoughts about what’s happening.
When you realize that it’s your thoughts you’re experiencing, you’re freed to become curious about what life would be like if you didn’t listen to them.
See if these suggestions help you discover this new perspective.
Notice — without struggling
The first thing most people do when they see how their thoughts are creating their experience is to struggle against the thoughts.
As I’ve mentioned many times in these articles, trying to change how you think doesn’t work. Even when you create a momentary shift, the suppressed thought patterns usually sneak back in.
Instead, notice your thoughts without struggling to change them.
For example, if it’s a gray day and you were hoping for sunshine, just notice the thoughts that create your feelings of frustration, resentment, anger — whatever it is you’re feeling about how things aren’t the way you want.
Noticing that your thoughts create your feelings about the clouds “ruining” your plans doesn’t mean you have to give up your preference for a sunny day.
However, in the struggle between what is (it’s a gray day) and what you think (it should be sunny!), your thoughts will always lose (because it’s not sunny).
And your experience is the battleground, leaving you feeling trampled, frustrated, unhappy, and confused.
The price of thought
Some thought patterns are easy to see through.
My gardening client quickly saw that her experience of excitement was being spoiled by her thoughts about time. She realized that the overwhelm and frustration she began feeling was the price she paid for believing she wouldn’t be able to find time to put her ideas into action.
And she also saw that the thought that she wouldn’t have time was just a thought. It was a story that she didn’t have to believe. Instead, she could recognize that the truth was she didn’t know how much time she’d have, or even which of the garden ideas she’d ultimately want to take action on.
Deeper thought patterns are often harder to see and explore. These core patterns may feel unquestionably “right” — as if they were immutable laws. These deep, conditioned thought patterns often come up around your ideas of who you are, whether in relationships, at work, or your sense of being in the world.
Whatever level your thoughts are tapping into, learning to notice them — seeing how they create your feelings and your experience — is the first step towards freedom. When you directly feel the price you pay for believing the thoughts, you can begin to explore what life might be like without believing them.
Stop listening!
In noticing the thoughts and how they create your experience, you may find yourself caught up in listening to them more and more closely.
When you start listening to your thoughts that closely, you’re also likely to start arguing with them. My gardening client told me, “At first when I noticed my thoughts about time, effort, and how I’d never get around to all those cool ideas, I started thinking even more thoughts about how I was getting caught up in my thoughts. It became an endless spiral, winding me up tighter and tighter.”
Analyzing your thoughts just makes you more and more tense. Instead, remind yourself to stop — just stop.
You can’t force your thoughts to be different. But you can stop believing in them — and you can stop reacting to them. And that makes all the difference in your experience of life and of who you really are.
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” Aristotle, 384BCE - 322BCE, Greek philosopher.
“If you want peace, stop fighting. If you want peace of mind, stop fighting with your thoughts.” Peter McWilliams, 1949-2000, American writer and medical marijuana activist.
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