What people say
I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.
- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon
From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.
- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont
Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.
He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.
- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA
My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.
It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.
- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon
Rest in the Gaps
September 20 2011
Life often seems a tad hectic, to say the least! Between work, family and friends, and the many errands and chores that call for your attention, the idea of silence and stillness can quickly become just that: an idea or a concept instead of something that feels real to you.
Yet in between all the doing, there are gaps.
Sometimes the gaps may seem vanishingly small, but they’re there nonetheless.
As you begin to notice the gaps, you’ll also notice that stillness is always present in between the gaps, even when everything appears to be moving at a tremendous pace.
It’s a gently self-perpetuating process: the more you notice, the more obvious the gaps and the stillness become, and the more you’ll find yourself resting there. As one client said, “In allowing myself to be curious about these ‘gaps’ you talk about, I’ve begun see how there’s something that remains still and quiet, even when I feel as if I’m moving at top speed. As I notice the gaps, I begin to discern what’s underneath all that movement. And then I can rest there, just allowing things to get done instead of feeling like I have to exhaust myself with effort.”
What do I mean by “gaps”? Here are some examples. Some of the descriptions that follow will probably feel more accessible to you than others. Pay attention to what works for you — and recognize that your awareness of the places where gaps are present will tend to change over time.
Above all, don’t struggle to find the gaps, and don’t try to hold onto or extend them. The gaps are more subtle and simple than your seeking mind may realize. Be curious and see what reveals itself to you!
Between breaths
As you breathe, there are points of stillness at the end of each exhale and inhale. Your breathing pauses ... and there’s a gap before the next breath begins.
Notice that gap without trying to change it in any way. This isn’t about watching your breaths, counting them, or deepening your breathing. It’s the gap you’re paying attention to: that tiny second of stillness in between each inhale and exhale.
“The temptation to try to control that stillness between breaths is immense,” was one client’s comment. “Yet controlling or changing it makes it something other than a gap, because then it becomes part of the struggle, part of the whole effort to control my experience. When I just notice that the gap is there, I can rest more and more deeply into the stillness it reveals.”
Between thoughts
For my clients whose minds feel particularly busy and noisy to them, the gap between thoughts may be difficult to perceive. Yet even a busy, noisy mind with lots of thoughts swirling around has moments of stillness in between those thoughts.
Don’t try to quiet your mind. You can’t win that battle, and the attempt to silence your thoughts tends to just create more thought! Instead, see what happens when you observe your mind at work without attempting to influence it or to follow any particular train of thought that might arise. Notice that just as there are small gaps between the cars of an actual train, there are also small gaps between the thoughts in your mind.
“You know, I never knew what you meant by the ‘gaps’ between thought,” a client wrote to me. “In fact, I thought you were crazy. Gaps? Between my thoughts? No way! But then ... I started noticing that the gaps are there. And I realized that there’s something still and quiet underneath all the thought-chatter. It’s like the bedrock that lies underneath a stream. The stream makes all kinds of noise as it rushes down the hillside, but the rock underneath is still and quiet.”
Between perceiving and naming
In between ...
Seeing something in flight — and thinking “Bird!”;
Hearing a sound — and thinking “Bell!”;
Touching a surface — and thinking “Sandpaper!”;
Detecting a scent — and thinking “Garlic!”
... there’s a gap.
In that gap, pure perception happens without effort. Your senses simply receive, without your needing to do anything.
And then the mind rushes in to name what you’ve perceived.
“Noticing something without hurrying to label it is a miraculous experience of depth, beauty, and sensation,” said a client. “When I allow myself to simply receive without trying to understand, judge, or even appreciate what’s coming into my perception — it’s deeply still and rewarding. And really, why do I need to label something? Why do I need to decide if it’s something I ‘should’ appreciate? Much more fun to just experience it!”
Between sleeping and waking
The gap between being asleep and being awake is the most subtle and fleeting of all — and in many ways it’s also the most revealing.
In between sleeping and waking, there are no words, no thoughts, no judgments, hopes, plans, or fears.
There’s only spaciousness, stillness, and actual, unfiltered experience.
What can you perceive in the gap between sleeping and waking?
“Just trying to remember to notice the gap when I wake up — it’s already too late,” a client told me. “I’ve gotten a glimmer, though, of something wide open and ... I don’t know; there aren’t words for it. But I do know I’ll keep paying attention!”
And as I mentioned earlier, paying attention is all that’s necessary. Anything more than that quickly becomes an attempt to create your experience — and that, as you’ve probably noticed, doesn’t work well.
Rest. Rest in the gaps. And if the gaps aren’t apparent to you, rest anyway. The gaps are there, and so is stillness, silence, and spaciousness — whether or not they’re evident to you in the moment.
“There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1926-2004), Swiss psychiatrist and student of death, dying, and grief.
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