What people say

I can honestly say that, for the first time in 50 years, I’m learning how to just be. How to relish the present moment, which, magically and mysteriously, unlocks the door to the treasure house that is the rest of my life.

- Jennifer Green, Salem, Oregon

From the moment Jon and I connected, I had this deep experience of loving presence and complete trust. Something bypassed my mind and my ability to figure things out, and communicated directly to my heart and soul that I was safe and in the right place. There was a creation of power in our relationship that he honored and witnessed as being mine. It was my power. I had the experience of being wonderfully, beautifully powerful, in the most loving, energized way.

- Laura Lind-Blum, The Idea Midwife, Waterbury Center, Vermont

Jon can help you recognize where you are, and become more clear. My work with him has not been about plotting out my future, it has been about helping me come into deeper relationship with myself so that next steps unfold easily and effortlessly.

He creates a safe, spacious container for you to go as deep or wide or high as you’re capable of in any given moment. It’s a matter of him being able to see the facets and help me make them real in me.

- Sandra Leader, Carmel, CA

My feelings changed from, “Quick, fix me, I can’t stand how I feel, make it better, hurry,” to, it’s not about hurry, and it’s not about fixing, it’s about staying where you are and getting more and more and deeper and deeper sensations that this is okay. You’re fine, this is okay.

It helps me reframe experience. I don’t see anything that’s happening quite the same as I’ve ever seen it before, because my viewpoint has been enlarged. There’s more, there’s peace, there’s joy, there’s love, there’s health, there’s everything.

- Layne Young, artist, Salem, Oregon

Read more of what people say

Let Life Come to You

December 13 2011

Whether in eager anticipation, anxious concern, or out of a desire to make plans and be prepared for whatever might happen, most people tend to get quite literally out in front of themselves without being aware of it.

You might be striving to see and hear what’s happening around you, struggling with anxiety about an upcoming event, or trying to empathize with a friend’s problems.

Or you could just be walking down the street.

In all these situations, you’re probably not fully in your own body. Instead, chances are you’re out in front, projecting yourself into the situation and maybe even into and through the people around you.

This may sound strange. But as a client remarked, “Now that I’ve experienced what it means to stay grounded in myself and let life come to me — well, what’s really strange is that being so far out ahead ever felt normal!”

It’s a habit, and no matter how strange they may be, habits can come to seem normal. Yet in your actual experience, being out in front of yourself probably feels quite abnormal and even uncomfortable. For instance, you may have found yourself feeling other people’s emotions and even physical sensations as if they were your own. Or you might have struggled to manipulate your experience into what you thought you were supposed to be seeing or hearing, instead of what was actually unfolding for you.

In moving back into yourself, relaxing and allowing yourself to simply receive what’s happening, you’ll feel a real sense of relief. As my client went on to say, “It’s so much simpler and more rewarding to experience my life just as it comes to me!”

If that sounds intriguing, here are some ways explore what it would be like for you.

Explore gently

Conceptually, this idea of letting life come to you can feel as if it would be overwhelming — something like sitting in the middle of the highway and “letting” all the cars come at you.

It’s not like that at all, but if that’s what it sounds like, start by gently exploring what the experience really is.

Sit quietly with your eyes closed, and give yourself a little time and space to breathe. What does it feel like to experience yourself? “It’s more than just being aware of my body,” my client said. “I can feel that I am my body and being in a way I don’t think I’ve ever felt before.”

When you feel grounded and present in yourself, slowly open your eyes. Don’t try to focus on anything in particular. Instead, just experience what it’s like to see without effort, to receive what your eyes tell you without interpretation.

One client said, “I never realized how much work I put into just looking at something. It’s amazing how much easier it is to receive what I see instead of looking at it!”

Take it across the floor

After sitting for a moment as I described, stand up. Take a moment to re-orient yourself in yourself. Once again, allow your eyes to simply receive what’s there.

Then slowly walk across the floor. Can you feel that what you see is coming to you rather than your going “out” towards it?

“I really thought it would feel overwhelming — as if everything was rushing at me,” a client said. “But it’s quite calm and peaceful. What’s there simply is.”

And take it on the road

It’s a new way to experience your life, whether out at work, with family and friends, or encountering strangers in the grocery store. “It’s weird,” one client said, her puzzlement obvious in her tone. “I thought it would feel more vulnerable to meet people from this perspective, but it’s not — it’s actually less vulnerable. Yet there’s no sense of detachment,” she went on. “In fact, I’m able to be more present, more engaged, even as I feel further away.”

Yes. Being fully grounded within your body increases the distance you experience between yourself and other people. It allows you to see them as “over there” and feel yourself as “over here.” This can be very different from your previous experience — and as my client says, it allows you to interact with people, things, and situations from a place of stability, safety, and authentic interest.

This is a practice

The habit of leaving your body to go out into experiences, situations, and even other people is one you’ve probably had since very early childhood. Changing habits takes practice and time, so be easy on yourself.

Take a few moments each day to sit with your life, exploring what it’s like to let it come to you, and noticing the very tangible difference in how that feels.

Notice what situations are more likely to pull you out of yourself. Focus your practice on staying grounded even in those situations, letting them come to you in their own time and their own way.

As my client said, “It’s a lot less effort to let life come to me, and that’s great. And it’s much richer, more beautiful, more full and alive and complete.”

Yes. When we allow life to come to us, without the struggle to interpret, the effort to manipulate, or the desire to know ahead of time what will happen, life becomes sublimely miraculous, deeply rich, and more filled with vitality than you can imagine.

“The truth of a thing is in the feel of it, not the think of it.” Stanley Kubrick (1928-1999), American film director, writer, producer, and photographer.

If you liked this article, you can sign up to receive my regular newsletter.