An Example of Inquiry

An inquiry concerning a core belief of inadequacy might look like the example below.

As you read through this example, please remember three things:

  1. You’re reading it in the space of just a few moments — but inquiry itself plays out over hours, days, weeks, or even months.
  2. This is a very simple and condensed example. It’s only an example. The responses you’ll find in yourself will come in bits and pieces, and probably won’t look, sound, or feel anything like this — especially since this explains in words what’s going on in your body, emotions, and deeper self.
  3. There is no right answer and no wrong answer. Whatever arises from inquiry is ok.

Is it true that I’m inadequate, and that the only way I can succeed is by working very hard, being super-responsible even when I don’t want to be, and always making sure I do everything perfectly?

It feels true. When I think about relaxing, doing something for myself, or letting something be “good enough” instead of perfect, I feel my neck and shoulders get very tense. I hear a voice in my head chewing me out about how important it is to make sure I live up to and exceed everyone’s expectations. I can see how whatever other people want — my boss, my family, my friends — is usually more important to me than what I want.

Except that it isn’t! In looking inside with this question, I can feel how much frustration, sadness, and anger I experience for all those times I gave up what I wanted in order to do what I thought I should do!

Who would I be without this belief?

That sounds like a strange question — “who would I be.” But there are answers that come to me.

I’d be less of a doormat. I’d be more vocal about getting my own needs met. No, not just that: I’d be someone who put my wants and needs on equal footing with everyone else’s, instead of always so much lower than everyone else’s. I wouldn’t be such a martyr, and I wouldn’t have to drop hints about what I want, and I wouldn’t get so frustrated about how no one ever pays attention to what I want.

It suddenly seems to me that without the belief, I actually might be ... adequate! And I think I might be more likeable — more fun to have around.

More than that. I wouldn’t even worry about being adequate. I’d just be naturally confident. And that seems both unbelievable and like true freedom. And it brings tears!

Who and what am I, really?

This seems like another strange question. Yet, in looking inside myself, I can see some things I’m not.

I’m not my thoughts or my feelings. In looking inside, I can see that there’s something that’s aware of my thoughts, that’s aware of my feelings, that’s aware of how this belief in my own inadequacy has affected how I’ve been in my life.

What is the cost of this belief to me and to the people in my life?

Enormous. In looking at who I’d be without this belief, I started to see just how huge the cost has been. And I begin to see what freedom I’d feel in letting go of the belief. I don’t know how to let it go — but Jon says there is no “how,” and to trust the inquiry process, just to look at the inquiry with curiosity.

So once again: is it true that I’m inadequate, and that the only way I can succeed is by working very hard, being super-responsible even when I don’t want to be, and always making sure I do everything perfectly?

Maybe not. I won’t say I’m convinced — but that’s a mental response. I am getting a glimpse of what it might look like, that maybe I’m not inadequate, maybe I don’t have to work so hard.